Valentine's day can go to hell and die.

[learning2fly]

I long for the day when I can listen to the opening chords of 'Shine on You Crazy Diamond' or 'Wish You Were Here' without falling to pieces.

could I be more pathetic than I am right now? Seriously!?!? I go to a party and cry at being reminded of how lonely I really am. I cry when Nate stops by for a surpise visit after not seeing him in ages.
Fucking Valentines day. Making me stop to think as I eat a hershey kiss that this is the only kiss I've gotten in almost two years. This is what I've been reduced to. Kisses in chocolate form.
Oh bloody freakin hell.
Please rid me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
I can't keep living like this. I can't keep clinging to my fairy tale/Romeo and Juliet dreams and ideals. It's never going to happen. I allowed myself to give my trust to one not trustworthy and now I pay the price. I'll never be the same again. Yet, I still dream of finding my true love. Who am I kidding? He's probably taken one look at me and walked away. I'm not worthy or deserving of anything that wonderful.
Still, I thirst for it with every fiber of my being.
round and round we go.

Comments

[learning2fly.livejournal.com]

april dearest, you kind of missed my point. This is in no possible way your fault- never ever think that. I just spent a solid 4 hours talking this all over with liz, only to find out that she has a possible future boyfriend in the works and was afraid to tell me because of how I feel. I am so incredibly happy for all of you. I mean that with all my heart. I may hate you for it, but ultimately I am really really happy that you're happy. I do not in any way feel that having a 'penis' will make me happy. I need love and the closeness that comes along with it. Sex is great, but not the most important aspect of love. They go together, but sex shouldn't weigh heavier than love. I don't know what I'm saying. Thanks for listening and all that.
best wishes to all you love birds out there.
I'm working on loving myself first, and am making some strides in that direction. I need that first.
I may be whiny and lonely, but I'll never share real love until I love myself. (yay j.larson. tis true)