cages or wings- which do you prefer?

I feel like such shit. Don't kick me, but I'm really dissapointed that things aren't working out between me and Jon. Granted, I knew that the odds of anything meaningful would come out of a relationship with him are slim to none, but I wanted to give it a shot anyway. My attempts to get him to tell me how he felt and what he wanted came out in a desperate threat to corner him. I asked if our relationship would make it unacceptable for me to spend the night with Dan (which I said would consist of cuddling only). He saw right through it and was offended and questioned my trustworthiness because of it. Of course he didn't actually tell me this, he chose to ignore me and act cold toward me instead and let my paranoia run wild in my mind. I had to hear from other sources that he was 'upset that I was sleeping with some guy.' I was trying to get him to step up and protect me from drunk horny dan, not make him doubt my honesty! Chriminy.
He is the only person that I've met this summer that I haven't been entirely comfortable around. I've caught myself reaching for one of my masks when I'm with him. That pisses me off beyond words. I've worked so hard at finding myself, throwing out my masks and standing my ground. But for some reason when I'm with him, I find myself going back to my old self. He brings out the worst in me. I feel like he doesn't care and I can't open up to him because of it. As of now, we're done. We had an hour long conversation last night about all of this. After digesting it for a while, I've concluded that it's not going to work. Being with someone shouldn't be so diffucult. I can't open up to him because I don't feel safe enough, and he won't make me feel safe and wanted until I put everything on the table where he can see it.
This is not worth my time. I'm tired of worrying and hurting because of it. Anyone that makes me feel like this shouldn't be a part of my world right now. I have too much to deal with as it is. Take school for an example. I've only been in class for little over a week and I'm already beginning that wonderful self doubt downward spiral. He's just sending me further down it.
AND I miss LIZ SO VERY VERY MUCH that I feel like I could just curl up and sob at any moment. I need my ear!!!! ::pouts::
We need to set up some dates for me to visit in January so I can start counting the days. My sanity depends on it. I need to know when I'll see my best friend again.
I'm so psycho right now. Please forgive me for saying all that out loud.

cages or wings- which do you prefer?

I feel like such shit. Don't kick me, but I'm really dissapointed that things aren't working out between me and Jon. Granted, I knew that the odds of anything meaningful would come out of a relationship with him are slim to none, but I wanted to give it a shot anyway. My attempts to get him to tell me how he felt and what he wanted came out in a desperate threat to corner him. I asked if our relationship would make it unacceptable for me to spend the night with Dan (which I said would consist of cuddling only). He saw right through it and was offended and questioned my trustworthiness because of it. Of course he didn't actually tell me this, he chose to ignore me and act cold toward me instead and let my paranoia run wild in my mind. I had to hear from other sources that he was 'upset that I was sleeping with some guy.' I was trying to get him to step up and protect me from drunk horny dan, not make him doubt my honesty! Chriminy.
He is the only person that I've met this summer that I haven't been entirely comfortable around. I've caught myself reaching for one of my masks when I'm with him. That pisses me off beyond words. I've worked so hard at finding myself, throwing out my masks and standing my ground. But for some reason when I'm with him, I find myself going back to my old self. He brings out the worst in me. I feel like he doesn't care and I can't open up to him because of it. As of now, we're done. We had an hour long conversation last night about all of this. After digesting it for a while, I've concluded that it's not going to work. Being with someone shouldn't be so diffucult. I can't open up to him because I don't feel safe enough, and he won't make me feel safe and wanted until I put everything on the table where he can see it.
This is not worth my time. I'm tired of worrying and hurting because of it. Anyone that makes me feel like this shouldn't be a part of my world right now. I have too much to deal with as it is. Take school for an example. I've only been in class for little over a week and I'm already beginning that wonderful self doubt downward spiral. He's just sending me further down it.
AND I miss LIZ SO VERY VERY MUCH that I feel like I could just curl up and sob at any moment. I need my ear!!!! ::pouts::
We need to set up some dates for me to visit in January so I can start counting the days. My sanity depends on it. I need to know when I'll see my best friend again.
I'm so psycho right now. Please forgive me for saying all that out loud.