there is no pain, you are receding a distant ship; smoke on the horizon

all right now. I've sat down at my computer countless times, ready to write. But I can't just say what I feel because I'm so concerned with sounding witty and intellegent and NOT a waste of space. So, as of now, I throw in the towel. I will write whatever the hell I feel like writing. Because I said so and because no one is going to bother reading this anyway.
With that said, I'd just like to say that this whole break from school has been wonderful and utterly awful at the same time. I finished the semester well and was looking foreward to having some free time and a break from the stresses of my crazy classes. And it has been wonderful. Don't get me wrong. All of my far away friends came home with the christmas events to attend. That was awesome. My older sis, whom I barely see or hear from with all that's going on in both of our lives (school) plus the fact that she sold her van and can't come home when she feels like it. Everyone I loved was within 10 minutes of me. Yet, I still had this nagging feeling of worthlessness that always follows me around no matter how hard I try to shake it. And the ever popular couple driven holiday made me feel even more alone and overwhelmingly lonely.
to be continued. I need to start making dinner for myself. alone. as always.

there is no pain, you are receding a distant ship; smoke on the horizon

all right now. I've sat down at my computer countless times, ready to write. But I can't just say what I feel because I'm so concerned with sounding witty and intellegent and NOT a waste of space. So, as of now, I throw in the towel. I will write whatever the hell I feel like writing. Because I said so and because no one is going to bother reading this anyway.
With that said, I'd just like to say that this whole break from school has been wonderful and utterly awful at the same time. I finished the semester well and was looking foreward to having some free time and a break from the stresses of my crazy classes. And it has been wonderful. Don't get me wrong. All of my far away friends came home with the christmas events to attend. That was awesome. My older sis, whom I barely see or hear from with all that's going on in both of our lives (school) plus the fact that she sold her van and can't come home when she feels like it. Everyone I loved was within 10 minutes of me. Yet, I still had this nagging feeling of worthlessness that always follows me around no matter how hard I try to shake it. And the ever popular couple driven holiday made me feel even more alone and overwhelmingly lonely.
to be continued. I need to start making dinner for myself. alone. as always.