someone hand over the tiara.

*NOTE: this entry is long and babbly and not for the weak of heart or short attention spans. proceed with caution*

*thank you*

I will be the first to admit it. I have become a drama queen.
Faire is just evil that way. It allows me the freedom and opportunity to hit on anyone I please, only for some reason I end up feeling slightly attached to said person and get upset when I discover that it was only faire flirting. gah.
What is it about men that gives them the power to turn my world upside down?? I thought I had a pretty damn good grasp on myself. I've been working very hard at discovering who I am and what I believe is right. The next thing I know, I'm faced with the same awkward self consciousness that I've worked so hard to put behind me. The only reason I even came to faire was to meet new people and get the need to perform out of my system. Why am I letting it turn into a freakin soap opera? I can handle this! Two more weekends and it's all over for the year.
Ok. Who's lost? Let me explain what happened last weekend to put me in such a tizzy.
There's a guy in our guilde named Jon, a 21 yr old voice major at Carthage that I'd really like to get to know better. Maybe even date if my wits come back. Actually, in a moment of weakness, I sent him an anonymous coral colored (signifying passion :) ) rose with a card that said 'from a not-so-secret admirer.
He figured out it was me and thanked me for it. After talking for a while, well, not really talking. More like me talking and asking questions that normally would prompt some dialog but only squeezed out the vague answer 'I am attracted to you, but I don't know what to do with that right now'. So. that was 2 weeks ago. 1 week ago, I was being pursued by Eric, a 21 year old from Chicago that's really kind and makes me laugh (but I'm not attracted to him) and therefore made Jon interested in me. I really care about Eric and don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I'm lonely and I would like to see where a relationship with Jon would go. The fact that Jon wasn't interested until Eric was interested bothers me.
Now, last week, after countless IM conversations with Eric and Jon's friend, I found out that Jon was trying to ask out a girl back home and was too shy to tell me. Then I was told that he has decided to choose me. On Saturday morning before the gates even opened (and NOT in character) Jon was very clingy and showering me with affection. After the gates opened, he continued. So, I confronted him about it and asked where this is coming from and if he meant it. He wouldn't answer. All he told me is that I'll know very soon and it's a suprise. An hour later, after the maypole dances, I returned to our home base, the dirty duck inn for some well earned water. Waiting for me on the table was three roses- one red, one lavender and one pink. Tied to it was a card that says:
To Lady Phoebe Scarlet

I gave thee word in time quite near
An answer t'ye would soon appear
A lady sweet, and a lady fair,
I wouldst ask thee to make thee mine!
Imploring thee in terms of couth
To be my lady fair in sooth.

Love, a not so secret admirer

I was a puddle on the ground. He then approached me and I gave him a monster hug and thanked him. He asked 'well?' and I said that we needed to talk first. We then sat down in the middle of the duckyard (not my first choice of private conversation places) and I asked him if this had anything to do with Eric. He denied it. Then I wondered if he knew what the colors meant. As far as I know, lavender means love at first sight and enchantment (AW!), pink means happiness and red means love, respect, courage and passion. He said that he meant to say that there's a lot of feeling there, but not so much as to say 'let's go find a hotel.'
He prefers a slow beginning and let it grow into whatever it may.
(Keep in mind, this information was finally worked out of him after long pauses and lots of questions on my end).
I told Jon about my concerns with Eric and not hurting him. Actually, Eric convinced me to go on one date with him after I was trying to convince him that we wouldn't make a good match. He is THAT persuasive. Either that or I'm a pushover. Maybe a little of both. Now Jon knows that I'm going on a date with eric and he seems ok with it. We spent the day choosing each other for every dance set (yay!) and being together. I couldn't go out with everyone for dinner after faire like we usually did. I had to write a book report. Yes. I am in third grade thank you.
So, I said good night to everyone and went on my way. I somehow managed to crank out a 2 page report about the oral/interpersonal communications exemplified in Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. Precisely what I want to be doing after a weekend at faire. No matter. I finished it and earned full points despite it's crappiness. Last night, Jon called me. It was the first time we ever talked on the phone and will probably be the last. He was being the stereotypical man- being overly dramatic about how miserable he is for being sick. Apparently his body won't take medications. They have no effect on him.
I sympathised. We have nothing to talk about! He's so quiet! I don't understand what he's thinking and it's driving me nuts! and he was watching TV the whole time.
I just don't know. Maybe when school starts he might be fun to hang out with at Carthage. as for now- blah. We only started talking recently. Maybe I should give it some time. I don't know.
I want to make this work. I'm tired of dismissing possible boyfriends for reasons that shouldn't matter. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor. But I don't think that I should date for the sake of not being alone. Confused is me.
It feels much better to just lay it all out there. Now I can let it sit on the back burner for the week so I can focus on finishing my class.
I'm really looking forward to Friday! I don't have to work on Friday. It belongs to me. So I've chosen to go canoeing with Dad (which we haven't done all year for some reason) and have my date with Eric. He's going to drive up here in his mustang and I'll kick his ass at tennis, have dinner and see a movie. Not very original, but it will be fun.
Then on Monday, I'll go to Skokie with Mom and possibly Hez and eat at the cheesecake factory and shop while trying to forget the fact that I start the fall semester in two days.
AND labor day weekend I get to see Dan in his natural habitat and witness the joining of April, Laura and Andrea in one apartment.
Good plan. Now if I could just figure out sometime I can see my Liz, all will be well. ]

(note to liz: amazon.com has been very good to me. I am now in posession of my very own copy of Into the Woods on DVD, Tick Tick BOOM, Parade, and Urinetown. If only I hadn't forgotten to order the new cast recording of ITW. Also, the package is almost done. Promise. It's on my to do list. *HUGS* love ya.)

someone hand over the tiara.

*NOTE: this entry is long and babbly and not for the weak of heart or short attention spans. proceed with caution*

*thank you*

I will be the first to admit it. I have become a drama queen.
Faire is just evil that way. It allows me the freedom and opportunity to hit on anyone I please, only for some reason I end up feeling slightly attached to said person and get upset when I discover that it was only faire flirting. gah.
What is it about men that gives them the power to turn my world upside down?? I thought I had a pretty damn good grasp on myself. I've been working very hard at discovering who I am and what I believe is right. The next thing I know, I'm faced with the same awkward self consciousness that I've worked so hard to put behind me. The only reason I even came to faire was to meet new people and get the need to perform out of my system. Why am I letting it turn into a freakin soap opera? I can handle this! Two more weekends and it's all over for the year.
Ok. Who's lost? Let me explain what happened last weekend to put me in such a tizzy.
There's a guy in our guilde named Jon, a 21 yr old voice major at Carthage that I'd really like to get to know better. Maybe even date if my wits come back. Actually, in a moment of weakness, I sent him an anonymous coral colored (signifying passion :) ) rose with a card that said 'from a not-so-secret admirer.
He figured out it was me and thanked me for it. After talking for a while, well, not really talking. More like me talking and asking questions that normally would prompt some dialog but only squeezed out the vague answer 'I am attracted to you, but I don't know what to do with that right now'. So. that was 2 weeks ago. 1 week ago, I was being pursued by Eric, a 21 year old from Chicago that's really kind and makes me laugh (but I'm not attracted to him) and therefore made Jon interested in me. I really care about Eric and don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I'm lonely and I would like to see where a relationship with Jon would go. The fact that Jon wasn't interested until Eric was interested bothers me.
Now, last week, after countless IM conversations with Eric and Jon's friend, I found out that Jon was trying to ask out a girl back home and was too shy to tell me. Then I was told that he has decided to choose me. On Saturday morning before the gates even opened (and NOT in character) Jon was very clingy and showering me with affection. After the gates opened, he continued. So, I confronted him about it and asked where this is coming from and if he meant it. He wouldn't answer. All he told me is that I'll know very soon and it's a suprise. An hour later, after the maypole dances, I returned to our home base, the dirty duck inn for some well earned water. Waiting for me on the table was three roses- one red, one lavender and one pink. Tied to it was a card that says:
To Lady Phoebe Scarlet

I gave thee word in time quite near
An answer t'ye would soon appear
A lady sweet, and a lady fair,
I wouldst ask thee to make thee mine!
Imploring thee in terms of couth
To be my lady fair in sooth.

Love, a not so secret admirer

I was a puddle on the ground. He then approached me and I gave him a monster hug and thanked him. He asked 'well?' and I said that we needed to talk first. We then sat down in the middle of the duckyard (not my first choice of private conversation places) and I asked him if this had anything to do with Eric. He denied it. Then I wondered if he knew what the colors meant. As far as I know, lavender means love at first sight and enchantment (AW!), pink means happiness and red means love, respect, courage and passion. He said that he meant to say that there's a lot of feeling there, but not so much as to say 'let's go find a hotel.'
He prefers a slow beginning and let it grow into whatever it may.
(Keep in mind, this information was finally worked out of him after long pauses and lots of questions on my end).
I told Jon about my concerns with Eric and not hurting him. Actually, Eric convinced me to go on one date with him after I was trying to convince him that we wouldn't make a good match. He is THAT persuasive. Either that or I'm a pushover. Maybe a little of both. Now Jon knows that I'm going on a date with eric and he seems ok with it. We spent the day choosing each other for every dance set (yay!) and being together. I couldn't go out with everyone for dinner after faire like we usually did. I had to write a book report. Yes. I am in third grade thank you.
So, I said good night to everyone and went on my way. I somehow managed to crank out a 2 page report about the oral/interpersonal communications exemplified in Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. Precisely what I want to be doing after a weekend at faire. No matter. I finished it and earned full points despite it's crappiness. Last night, Jon called me. It was the first time we ever talked on the phone and will probably be the last. He was being the stereotypical man- being overly dramatic about how miserable he is for being sick. Apparently his body won't take medications. They have no effect on him.
I sympathised. We have nothing to talk about! He's so quiet! I don't understand what he's thinking and it's driving me nuts! and he was watching TV the whole time.
I just don't know. Maybe when school starts he might be fun to hang out with at Carthage. as for now- blah. We only started talking recently. Maybe I should give it some time. I don't know.
I want to make this work. I'm tired of dismissing possible boyfriends for reasons that shouldn't matter. Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor. But I don't think that I should date for the sake of not being alone. Confused is me.
It feels much better to just lay it all out there. Now I can let it sit on the back burner for the week so I can focus on finishing my class.
I'm really looking forward to Friday! I don't have to work on Friday. It belongs to me. So I've chosen to go canoeing with Dad (which we haven't done all year for some reason) and have my date with Eric. He's going to drive up here in his mustang and I'll kick his ass at tennis, have dinner and see a movie. Not very original, but it will be fun.
Then on Monday, I'll go to Skokie with Mom and possibly Hez and eat at the cheesecake factory and shop while trying to forget the fact that I start the fall semester in two days.
AND labor day weekend I get to see Dan in his natural habitat and witness the joining of April, Laura and Andrea in one apartment.
Good plan. Now if I could just figure out sometime I can see my Liz, all will be well. ]

(note to liz: amazon.com has been very good to me. I am now in posession of my very own copy of Into the Woods on DVD, Tick Tick BOOM, Parade, and Urinetown. If only I hadn't forgotten to order the new cast recording of ITW. Also, the package is almost done. Promise. It's on my to do list. *HUGS* love ya.)