hold onto nothing as fast as you can...

I am still sick and it continues to drain my energy. I felt ready to crawl into bed around 2:30 this afternoon, which wasn't good timing since I had a conference room full of Back School patients waiting for my presentation. I have my voice back now, which was helpful. But I still have a borderline fever and head/chest congestion. yay.

So, long story short I'm really tired right now, which always makes me overly emotional. I made the mistake of talking to my Dad tonight about my idea to maybe pursue going back to school and getting my masters in PT before thinking about investing in a condo or anything permanent. He proceeded to tear me a new one.
I met a PTA grad from 2000 yesterday that is fed up with getting all the responsibilities of a PT and making 12+ bucks less than they do. And I agree. I'm young. I'm flexible. I could do this. I refused to make any serious effort towards finding out what my options really are because I was too scared to think about leaving my comfort zone here in Wisconsin. I was pretty damn proud of myself for getting past that and doing a lot of research online with possible schools. My best option is to go to Loma Linda University in California for 2.15 years as part of a progressive masters program that takes my clinical experience as a PTA into account for class credit. It's a great school that is world renowned and I'll learn a lot more about the evaluation process and make myself a better therapist. I'm sick of explaining to everyone that those initials after my name don't stand for Parent Teacher Association. I feel so, so stupid sometimes, being so young and inexperienced next to my coworkers who've been working years and years longer than me. Maybe this could be my chance to go to a normal college like I've always wanted? I could get some loans from the government, it could work. I need a change. I get so sick of Wisconsin. I wish I had the balls to pick up roots and move somewhere new. But what the fuck do I know. I haven't had time to make any decisions yet, I was just letting him know what I was thinking. Then he brings up the move, which is happening in less than 2 weeks. I booked a moving van. Yes, I know I don't really have any help this time but what the hell am I supposed to do about it? In one swoop he knocked me on my ass, making me feel like I can't do anything right. This move is going to be hell. And we're supposed to get it done and make it down to Chicago in time for the Ani concert? We're fucked. Next Saturday is going to be a fucking mess. I don't even want to think about it any more. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. I don't want to think about moving. I don't want to worry about money. I don't want to wonder about the future of our country and the world.

make it all go away.


I quit.


I don't want to be the responsible one anymore. It just gives me more pain when I fail.


(although I did get this in the mail today, so the day wasn't all bad)

hold onto nothing as fast as you can...

I am still sick and it continues to drain my energy. I felt ready to crawl into bed around 2:30 this afternoon, which wasn't good timing since I had a conference room full of Back School patients waiting for my presentation. I have my voice back now, which was helpful. But I still have a borderline fever and head/chest congestion. yay.

So, long story short I'm really tired right now, which always makes me overly emotional. I made the mistake of talking to my Dad tonight about my idea to maybe pursue going back to school and getting my masters in PT before thinking about investing in a condo or anything permanent. He proceeded to tear me a new one.
I met a PTA grad from 2000 yesterday that is fed up with getting all the responsibilities of a PT and making 12+ bucks less than they do. And I agree. I'm young. I'm flexible. I could do this. I refused to make any serious effort towards finding out what my options really are because I was too scared to think about leaving my comfort zone here in Wisconsin. I was pretty damn proud of myself for getting past that and doing a lot of research online with possible schools. My best option is to go to Loma Linda University in California for 2.15 years as part of a progressive masters program that takes my clinical experience as a PTA into account for class credit. It's a great school that is world renowned and I'll learn a lot more about the evaluation process and make myself a better therapist. I'm sick of explaining to everyone that those initials after my name don't stand for Parent Teacher Association. I feel so, so stupid sometimes, being so young and inexperienced next to my coworkers who've been working years and years longer than me. Maybe this could be my chance to go to a normal college like I've always wanted? I could get some loans from the government, it could work. I need a change. I get so sick of Wisconsin. I wish I had the balls to pick up roots and move somewhere new. But what the fuck do I know. I haven't had time to make any decisions yet, I was just letting him know what I was thinking. Then he brings up the move, which is happening in less than 2 weeks. I booked a moving van. Yes, I know I don't really have any help this time but what the hell am I supposed to do about it? In one swoop he knocked me on my ass, making me feel like I can't do anything right. This move is going to be hell. And we're supposed to get it done and make it down to Chicago in time for the Ani concert? We're fucked. Next Saturday is going to be a fucking mess. I don't even want to think about it any more. I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. I don't want to think about moving. I don't want to worry about money. I don't want to wonder about the future of our country and the world.

make it all go away.


I quit.


I don't want to be the responsible one anymore. It just gives me more pain when I fail.


(although I did get this in the mail today, so the day wasn't all bad)